Thursday, December 17, 2009

What Rights Do I Have As A Beneficiary

Roswell - Between us Chapter 1 / 18

This is the first fanfiction I've ever written, dating back to 2005, I believe, has not used a / a beta, so all errors are due only to me, and since I do not want to reread everything to fix them, I think we will too! Probably, if the write now, will turn out something different, but so be it. It 'sooo long, it takes patience.

Title: Between Us. Chapter 1 / 18
Author: Nico
Pairing: Michael / Maria
Fandom: Roswell
Rating: VM18
Genre: AU
Summary: Michael is the new boy at school, what attracts everyone's attention even without meaning to, and Mary is not immune. It sounds simple, apparently, but it is far from that.

between us

Chapter I

Even that summer was coming to an end.

It was still hot, it was normal for the month of September.

The air here in town, was standing, stagnant, as if time had stopped at a dreary afternoon in August, one of those where the only place to meet a bit 'of people was the kiosk of the watermelons.

The main street was lined on both sides by palaces and buildings of varying heights but still enough to create a barrier, preventing the breeze from the sea to enter, bringing with it the smell of salt air.

The few trees that lined the sidewalks were not enough against that sense of oppressive heat, typical of areas with no green.

Mary walked along the road, deep in thought. He had spent the entire season between the beach and cakes of her mother Amy, had been a good summer, but had flown away into the evenings with friends and a bit 'of work, so, to provide for minor expenses.

A few days would have started school, his last year before choosing a college.

" Hey, Maria!" From 'other side of the street called Liz. It was his best friend, could be said to know from ... always! They were inseparable as sisters.

" Hello Liz, I would have telephoned just arrived home. Today is was my last day at the store, you know, with school about to start .... " A sigh escaped her mouth.

Liz looked at her sympathetically. "You're right, that sucks! But leaving aside for a moment the disaster, I wanted to tell you that I just met Alex at the record store and reminded me that this evening there is a bonfire on the beach. There will be a lot of people, too many friends. Would you like to go? "

Maria did not know why, but that had all the semblance of a rhetorical question.

" I do not know Liz, just tonight should get Sean, my cousin, I talked about you. Since we spend the whole year, until my uncles come back from Europe, maybe I should .... " Never managed to finish the sentence because the Liz you threw all his weight.

" Please, please, let's go! You can not do such a disservice to your best friend, you know that there will be Max! And 'all summer trying to lure him into my network and it seems that my efforts are finally beginning to produce some effect. Maybe not, but I told you the other night we met by chance while returning and has offered to take her back. It seems a good sign, right? Come on up, do not be precious! "

Maria puff resigned. He had never had real hope to come out victorious from this battle. "Ok, ok, calm down. Know that I do so only on behalf of our friendship. And then you know that I do not like Max. I mean, I do not see him for you, here! For him, it takes women like disposable paper plates, when he consumed a duty under another ... razor blades if you prefer, the most virile of the dishes. Want to join the club too? "

Liz's face was so distressed that Mary, in the end, he declared defeat.

" Okay," he said with a sigh, "if your We can keep going. If Sean comes first port too, so get to know someone. "

" Thank you, you'll see that you will not regret, and then after I beg you, on time! I'm going home to get ready or I'll never be ready for the nine. " He ran like a fury, and were only five in the afternoon!

The beach party, how he could forget it! He had resolved to fight really hard not to go but had to give up enthusiasm of Liz, and with regret he had to admit that it was not then a tough as he thought.

would have been embarrassing, she was sure, but it was equally useless to think about at that time. The only thing she needed was a refreshing cold shower.

The nine came too quickly, as always happens when instead it would indefinitely postpone a moment, and she and Liz met in the house of Alex.

He belonged inseparable from the ranks of old friends. They had so many combined together to write a treaty, at least until the day that Hurricane Isabel had not shot down on him with all his thunder. And Hurricane guys! She was what might be called the wet dream of every man and poor Alex had no exception.

Until a year earlier he had attended a girls' boarding school so expensive, being the sister of Max, the family returned to town only for short periods.

Then the father had made bad investments and the line had proved impossible to sustain.

Alex, meanwhile, had been a guide at the beginning of the year, had spent some 'time together and since then had lost his head. It was undoubtedly gone!

While waiting for Alex to finally come out of houses a tall boy with curly blond hair approached them with a quick pace and with a big smile on his face.

" Mary, hello! How are you, cousin? Aunt Amy told me to join you here because you were just out and I could not wait to see you. You look really good, you know? "

Maria ran to the boy and hugged him, thought to be so happy to see his cousin. "Also I think you're right Sean, you've already arranged at home?". He had changed a lot since, partly because, in fact, had been nearly two years!

Meanwhile, Alex finally left the house, saturating the air with its spicy, perhaps the contents of the whole bottle. Perhaps he had decided to conquer Isabel with the classic tactic of stunning!

They could finally start to their evening.

" Guys, I present to you my cousin Sean ... Sean, these are Liz and Alex, my best friends."

" Nice to meet you!" The two said in unison.

Maria seemed to glimpse a strange expression on the face of Liz, but why he would ask it to him later.

get to the beach fast enough. The evening air was starting to get cold, especially where there was always a bit 'in the wind.

Many boys were already there and a couple of bonfires were lit while someone granted his guitar do some x 'music in the evening.

spotted Alex and Isabel soon lost no time to run to her, "just like a dog in heat, poor boy," thought Mary with a well-known seasoned with a bit of fun 'penalty .

Even Max was not to be so far away.

A moment later, he heard that Liz was hung on his arm, pointing excitedly to a handsome boy with dark hair who smiled in the bright their direction.

Maria concealed some discomfort. "Damn, I think," I have no way out tonight, I'll definitely talk to him. "

" Liz, be gentle. You could take Sean for a ride, just to set it a bit '? Meanwhile, I take a drink. "

Liz quickly moved his eyes on Max, not sure what to do, but then smiled Mary and grabbed the boy's hand. "Ok, see you in half an hour. Come on Sean, I'll be a perfect guide. "

took Sean under his arm and walked away.

Max A moment later, accompanied by his constant smile. approached

" Hello Maria, I'm glad you came, I would not have sworn. This means that you have thought about what I said the other day? Perhaps it would be better to move from here. "

They headed toward the back of a factory that time closed.

" Ok," he said with confident voice. "Now we can talk calmly."

About a week before, during a promotional picnic, organized by Jeff Parker, the father of Liz, the owner of a restaurant, something had happened between them.

They were in the woods near Wellington and Max asked her to follow him in a clearing nearby.

" There are beautiful flowers," he said. Only flowers that there was not even a shadow.

In their place, however, appeared a daring Max. He approached her, touching her hair and ran her fingers in the middle, then scrolled down to the cheekbone, jaw and finally the neck. Maria abruptly turned away, confused by those gestures so intimate.

Then he began to speak, his voice little more than a whisper.

" Mary, perhaps you noticed that all summer I'm trying to get your attention. Now maybe you are pretending not to see "You slowly close again.

" Well well maybe you have not addressed your signals because it seemed to me to see your other girls on the same wavelength. What about Tess? And Liz? "She said sarcastically.

He shook his head, smiling. 'It is true, I had fun with Tess a bit'. By Liz, however, there has never been anything, I mean, she is pretty but compared to you there is a difference. "He paused, that seemed to last an eternity. " I like you very much. I would put myself with you. "

Mary hesitated a moment, the statement of Max had seriously taken aback.

Then he replied, trying to use his best pitch, with what result could not tell.

" I'm flattered by what you said, really. I'm sure it does not happen every day to raise the interest of the most popular boy in school. 'S why I'm sorry a bit 'I have to tell you that it could not accept. We're too different the two of us. I mean, you already know that I would never hurt Liz and this ferirebbe much. In the second place you're too kind .... you know, kind rooster in the henhouse I do not know what I mean. "

Max at that point he could not conceal his amazement, evidently was not so accustomed to waste! It was only a moment from which he recovered promptly.

" You already know that I will not surrender so easily, right? Maybe you need a little 'time to think ... but in the meantime. " Approaching the shooting taken by force for life by pulling him on the mouth and kissing her fiercely.

Maria struggled, surprised by what had just happened.

" Who you think you are ", he says, his voice sharp with anger

" Think about it, "he said, hoarsely. Then he left quickly leaving it there, disorientated beyond measure.

From then on he tried to avoid it, had to say with some success, at least until that evening.

" Hello Max, how are you?" Maria tried to keep an indifferent tone of voice.

" I'll be fine when I have given your answer, remember? We have left open that some speech, maybe it's time to conclude, "He seemed calm.

Maria sighed trying to keep calm, he wanted to avoid at all costs, he thought to have any kind of influence on her. "I think you're right, it's time to clarify this matter definitively. I've been thinking a lot these days, trying to analyze it from every point of view. My conclusion, however, has remained the same, you and I are not suited to be together and the main reason is that I'm just your new fad, the bad girl who does not want Max Evans. I am a big challenge, to win the girl. Your problem, Max, is that you lack of stimuli, or perhaps a bit 'more of the heart. Your problem is that if I asked you if you've enjoyed some of the girls with whom you have been I'm sure you would not know that answer. "

Max stood there for a moment to observe it. His words had struck, wounded. Perhaps the hard truth when it is slammed in your face so brutally, but he always wound was not yet ready to accept it, no, she was no longer with it, would no longer felt so empty.

" Well, I must admit that I expected this answer from you, more or less! But I know when I want to persevere, I have a year to convince Maria De Luca. "

said that he ran his hand over her face.

At that moment a boy never seen before walked up to them and just prayed that she had not noticed that gesture, that no one had noticed, especially Liz!

Max, as soon as she saw him, greeted him with a nod.

" Michael, this is you made to come! I'm happy, you'll see that you have fun tonight .. Meet Maria De Luca, is one of my dearest friend. "

That dearest was meaningful.

" Maria, this is Michael, my new neighbor. For a couple of weeks living with her uncles, they too have moved recently. This year will come to school with us even if he has one more year. "

Maria smiled and held out his hand. "Nice to meet you, I hope you feel comfortable in this city even if it is not that there is much to do!"

He stared at her but did not reciprocate the gesture. "Yes, of course, thank you." More than one answer was a grunt

He walked away, just as he had come, heading for a bonfire.

" It 'a kind of few words, I must say. But it is not bad, "said Max, looking away. Then he turned back his attention. "Remember what I told you, anyway. I usually do not give up so easily. "

After that went off in the direction of Michael.

Sometimes human beings experience unexplained physical sensations, it is impossible to find a source and when that happens you feel vulnerable and unprepared. A feeling in the pit of your stomach, nervousness but also excitement. An ancient memory.

When Mary was a child, she was about eight years, Amy had taken her to the carnival.

remembered his irresistible attraction to the roller coaster, so high, so fast, so steep.

He wanted to go with all his strength but at the same time she wanted to run away to not ever have to face that fear. At that time he was trying the feelings of that child even if there were no rides around. Or maybe you.

That guy, Michael .... was almost rude and if it was not completely unknown would certainly have thought that we had with her for some reason.

Perhaps the story of Max had shaken more than expected. Surely it was.

Maria looked around and spotted Sean and Liz around a bonfire, while gleefully roasting sausages. Joined them.

" Hey, you two! It seems a bit 'too gay, where did you hide the stuff to drink? "

" Really are you that you had to take a drink," Liz replied, chuckling. "We have done a full tour. I showed Sean the wonders of the place, including Isabel and Kyle. For different reasons but both are wonderful! By the way, invited us to karaoke tomorrow night, because tomorrow the other back to school! "

" Well, well, we must give a new meaning to that pearl of wisdom that says, Anchors Aweigh! "

The evening passed quietly, all had come with the best intentions to get the most out of that last remnant ' summer.

course in their own way.

Alex we put it all to be noticed by Isabel anyway.

A bit 'of time before he had composed a song for her and decided to dedicate that night, without coming to terms with its legions of kids who would not leave a moment. Mary thought that the fact was not disputed that he was unlucky, but that does not shine for sure his timing!

Kyle challenge anyone he happened to pull in a wrestling match greek - roman, knowing, however, that he would win as the best athlete in the school office.

Liz was divided between Sean and Max who seemed very involved in the discussion, whatever it was.

Bastard! What was your stupid Featured!?

Michael was the only one to stay a while 'on the sidelines, watching those around him but with little attention. Sure, it was normal, after all only knew Max and Isabel.

It turned out to watch him with curiosity. It was a rather tall young man, of medium build. He had very regular features, the jaw line finely marked. His long hair was dark brown to almost touch his shoulders and moved, but the thing he had noticed were his eyes. Auburn had a particular color but the look was the look ... deep, dark .... there was something more .... sad.

The night was clear and the water lapping on the shore instilled confidence.

At regular intervals, you feel the hiss of the siren of a barge that passed in front of the port a few miles from there, which cut through the air.

was two o'clock at night, and only a few remained.

" midnight swim? "Kyle suggested. It was just an idea worthy of him. "Well, maybe just not at midnight, we slightly breached the time!"

starting to undress all laughed because, in each case, the proposal was to be expected and were equipped with a bathing suit. The only one who does not put it on Michael.

dived as he sat next to a bonfire on the beach, watching fun from afar.

The sensation of the skin was something magical.

Bathing at night caused Maria to particular emotions, different.

As the air was fresh out of the body sank into the water seemed wrapped in a warm blanket. It was enough to submerge the head from ear to ear while remaining belly-up, to feel transported to another world, full of warmth and silence and immensity of stars below and above.

The night was so quiet that one could distinguish several constellations, you will not know many names but only enough to imagine stories of heroes and kingdoms far away in space and time.

was so immersed in the peace that he did not notice that she had been transported by the current away from the others.

noticed it suddenly panicked and tried to go back. She had never been a great swimmer and now fear made her move in a disorganized and few minutes later he found himself terribly tired, even to scream.

The other guys, in any event, shouting so loud that would never be able to be felt, perhaps you would have noticed his absence, but it was late.

A blind terror caught her, the fear of death.

In many films he had seen to represent the death by drowning and it was horrible .... hold your breath until the last .... want to know the oxygen and had no way out and then, finally, by breathing it could not hold water, that water that filled his lungs while his brain was not fully aware that he is now one step away from the end.

felt something touch his arm when he thought that perhaps, after all, a corpse would be affected because most merciful heart attack in his ranking, was definitely lead over drowning . Oh, a shark, oh my ... .. a hand!

Long dark hair, glued to his head, before she re-emerged and its owner sprayed water from their mouths. Michael.

He drew back his hair from his eyes continued to move his hands and feet to stay afloat. "I was watching and saw you get away from it alone is dangerous! Further south there are caves in this area rather than creating strong currents that dragged out to sea. "

Mary was surprised to see him but at the same time he also felt relieved. The concern, however, had not disappeared.

" In fact I can not go back, I tried but the current is too strong and I can not swim well. Now you're here too we can not go back in two, though! "

Michael gave her a look that perhaps, in its intentions, should be reassuring. Mary found him just terribly sexy. "Now listen to me and try to stay calm. If you can relax both come back, you just put your back against me and let you go to dead weight, so you can drag me to swim, I'm pretty good. "

seemed safe, was worth trusting. He took her by the waist with one hand and moved his other arm under hers, then took a swim on his back, pushing with powerful strokes of his legs, with her lying almost on him.

Maria felt a strange sensation, difficult to explain.

his presence made her feel calm, at that time had given him his life, perhaps because they had no choice, but part of the reason she knew it was another. Had to do with the roller coaster.

did not know why but he trusted that unknown guy and grumpy.

His hands held her firmly but gently at the same time and she became lulled by the rhythm of his swim, he was back in his comfortable world of fairy tales and distant stars.

He roused himself only when he heard Michael stand up. She also lowered her legs feeling as the sand of the seabed between the fingers. They'd made it!

Michael had a bit 'of breath but he must have swum at least one quarter of an hour dragging weight.

" I do not know how to thank you, if there was you, perhaps I would not got away. You saved my life. "

" Do not worry, I have not done anything heroic, anyone in my place would have done the same." He seemed embarrassed, maybe he was not accustomed to receive thanks!

" But this time he did not anybody, you did it, so I have to thank you."

" Ok, but next time you are more careful, there is always someone to look at what you do." On his face appeared, however, that half smile faded as he came and started to leave the water moving towards the fire.

Mary stayed to observe for a few more minutes, surrounded by water and darkness of the night.

The muscles of his back showed through the movement of the arms. Wet hair touched his shoulders framing her face. He was wearing only boxers, will have been stripped before going to retrieve it, probably to avoid the awkward clothes. It was very sexy!

Eventually she resolved to go out and just stood up up the invests a gust of wind that made her shiver. The fire was immediate relief.

The others decided to leave the water. They had not noticed anything for them she had always been there. They were however surprised to see Michael next to the fire, all wet, and Max gave voice to the question of all.

" Hey Michael, why are you wet?"

" I was hot, "he said absently.

The boys looked at each other before bursting out laughing because in general all that time you could say, except that it was hot!

Maria smiled.


Chapter 2

Recipe, Garrett's Cheese Popcorn

But that good!

E 'clearly not exhausted the day today with all the material I have to add, but I could not help but congratulate myself for the result the first post!
Over the years I have written many things, especially stories focusing on particular fandom (and slash), and although some are very old and probably not worth that much, and since I follow the policy of not ashamed of what has been done, if it is done with passion, in the near future will add slowly to get the hang of.
When I finished (probably I will have many more wrinkles now), I hope that I will have accumulated enough unreleased material, and I hope someone will read it, of course!

soon!

Nico

Best Program To Make An Anime

Queer as Folk - Love Hurts

Ok, tests of transmission ... Well, after years of opening my account I will try to post something ... WOW!
There will be many trials and many errors are made, given my ignorance on the subject, but since we need to start somewhere, I start with the first and only story I wrote about two of my favorite characters of all time, Brian and Justin.
Maybe there will be others in the future, who knows, with this birth while trying not to combine a mess!
Good luck to me! xD

Title: Love Hurts
Fandom
Queer as Folk Pairing: Brian / Justin
Rating: All (PG)
Word Count: 3450 words
Summary: Brian is the accounts in his own way, with the changes that Justin has made in his life. Post episode 5.13.

Love Hurts

§§§§§§§§§§§§


Tonight we drink to youth And holding fast the truth
I do not want to lose what I Had as a boy

"Cheers, Sunshine!"

throw down half a cup of Bean on the rock no longer even feel the bitter taste that burns my throat. But it is not the first time, and now the numbness of my esophagus fits exactly with everything else, I lick my lips and is perfect.

If I was not sure yet to be myself, absolutely fabulous, I'd be tempted to think that my life has become a pathetic imitation of what it was before.

BAM, BAM, BAM!

"Brian! Open the fucking door! "

Aaah Mikey, Mikey dear and faithful. It 's always been his pathetic part of the dynamic duo-Kinney Novotny, and I'm' starting to be ashamed of myself for having believed that, for some reason, could well have done the right thing to give to that side of himself, so eager to please the company, as far as possible in its color schemes, and convoluted with the professor. But that was Canada and this is Pittsburgh, a different story.

"Mikey, you go to someone else to break my balls!"

"I'm three days you're locked in there, Brian!"

Cabbage, passes quickly time! Already three days? Had seemed to me five minutes, ten at most. Or two weeks, two months ... two years.

BAM, BAM!

I take another swig from the bottle saves the effort to pour the liquor in the glass and I laugh because I know 'that as far as Michael is the king of the queers petulant, I always have the best, I can always get what I want.

Now I just want it removed instantly returned, and that is what will anyway, sooner or later, and continues to loop or not. He will return home to Ben, Hunter, a telephone call to Emmett complaining about how worried about me and my liver, or Theodor, asking him to come up with any shit to Kinnetik groped for Stan's or Debby, which will be presented here with his macaroni and tuna casserole.

Pathetic, as always.

And when it's gone, if I feel like I will go to Babylon to ass fuck each over six feet tall. I want them high, preferably active, I feel in the mood to tame and if there was someone available to Brandon this evening I think the charge, that credit.

In my identity card I have thirty-three years, and with the help of gym and my anti-wrinkle cream will stay young for another long, long time, and does not affect me at all aware that Justin has twenty-one years, talent, and New York at her feet.

He said he, too, after all, is the best of me if he could hope to be gay, so on the glasses, Sunshine!, Toast to your youth, my immortal beauty, all that I was and what they are now.

I almost, because of you! Oh, if I risked! You almost turned into a pale imitation of a lesbian, or worse, Michael!

And for a moment I even thought that I liked, and is This is the craziest thing of all.

The truth is that what I was, and I'll be what they are, perhaps nothing more, but certainly nothing less.

§§§§§§§§§§§§

My heart still has a beat, But Love is now a feat As common as
a cold day in LA

I think that Michael is gone now, I no longer feel any noise. I could go and check, but there is a risk he is doing and just pretend that the very moment we open the door get a foot in the middle, and then the only solution would break, but I do not want to get to so, I love the good old Mikey!

Right now I feel a greater inclination towards my couch, though, I deck above us, I close my eyes and try to hear him breathe. E 'skin, the skin was of some animal that was once alive, had a' soul , believe, or should I ask my mother, who knows everything about God and souls, especially those already damned as mine.

I can only hear the rhythmic beat of my heart, however, and I can not believe it's still so smooth, stable and sensible way to work anyway, even after all that has happened.

Wow, the human body is really a perfect machine, more than any engine. It should be in motion even before birth and then kept on walking, without a moment's respite, until the end.

does not need the injector, the blood is already circulating and continues to pump, so that little void that I feel does not bother me at all. There had to be my injector there, a useless part of the mechanism, and I have always tended to get rid of unnecessary things first, as everything that does not really need, become indispensable.

It's a little 'bad, unfortunately, but there is a solution to everything, and my faithful Jim Bean is the perfect cure. The bottle, however, is already under three quarters, the liquid waves and its motion-colored malt deform my fingers through the glass, making them look like twigs twisted and sick.

My mechanism is in motion, however, the road is straight as the strings violin in front of me, probably will still be a bit 'more upright when I'm sober, but that curve along four years that has troubled my journey is finally over, it's time to relax.

§§§§§§§§§§§§

Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that i am under Keeping me from seeing
the real thing?

" uhhh ... ouch!" What the fuck! Why do not you see anything?! Maybe I just got the impression that I opened my eyes but in reality I have still closed. My temples throb, but listening to my stomach I understand that it is not drunk enough to have a close encounter with the process.

groped the bottle upside down and I find it next to the couch, but I do not feel anything wet, so you probably I emptied before falling asleep, and the fact that I have this thought flashed in his head is living proof that they are not even remotely close to the lens that I wanted to achieve.

I open one eye and this time I see something, move your eyes on the LCD alarm clock that marks the four in the morning and try to move.

Getting up from the sofa is an enterprise worthy of note but I just have to do is drag me to bed, Babylon, by this time had to do without me ... or I without Babylon, but the distinction is not I think it really so important at this time.

Puzzo to suck, is it true that alcohol produces heat, which produces sweat, but I do not want to take a shower, brush my teeth or anything else that has to do with my personal hygiene.

Piss, jot down a pint of water and an aspirin and I throw a dead weight on the bed still unmade.

are three days that is so, I suggested to the cleaning lady to take a few days off but I do not call her several, I can get along by myself for a few weeks, then I have to pay an entire to wipe that fucking building that I bought and with which I have to live even if you do not like me at all. Justin did not look like even, to tell the truth, but it looks like us, and this seemed to me sufficient.

Sheets still have the smell, but thinking it is not so strange that the note right now that is gone. Probably the first was so ubiquitous that I had reached some sort of addiction that kept me from feeling it, but now it is strong and persistent as ever, and I wash my nose, fill your hands with salted water and inhale, inhale deeply to hear in the eyes, brain, up to bite the bullet from the sharp pain and then melt into a liberating breath to hear him slowly fade away.

And now I see it, the flaw in my diabolical plan. It was small, but if I want to be honest with myself and I was sure I knew there was to be able to curb, as I did with many other flaws in my life, with some success.

Why there? E 'a hit? He's there, where miss my injector? And he is? An anticoagulant that prevents it to heal or a parasite that will consume me for the rest of my days without ever kill me? And 'this is the real question , one that has a thousand answers, but never had any real one hundred percent.

Love Hurts, But Sometimes It's a good hurt And it feels like

I'm alive Love sings, When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me 'cause without love
I will not survive

If I had been wise, prudent as I was being deceived, I should have realized when it happened.

" See, I do not believe this idiocy of love, I believe in fucking ... are honest, efficient, and you can get the most pleasure with the minimum of bullshit."

Words My, how the land on which true path, and in spite of all innocent, why did not account for the unexpected.

quicksand, so similar to the solid but so insidious, however, to drag me down slowly in the worst way, giving me the illusion of being able to get out when in reality had already set out my sentence.

And the awareness of sinking was scared, that breathe air and slowly realizing that it was not infinite, something that I would fill the lungs, terrified me. I kept hoping to be able to get away, I could break away and break free from the grip almost kind enough not to appear even threatening.

Then I realized how things were, how everything had changed and how, and sank, my body had adapted and transformed into something able to filter oxygen out of the sand, and how simple air was no longer enough.

The first time I inhaled it hurt, I felt that I broke the chest, but keep it tight after having feared lost forever was like being born a second time, it was like having another possibilities.

§§§§§§§§§§§§

Fettered and abused, I stand naked and Accused
Should I surface this one man submarine?
I only Want The Truth
So tonight we drink to youth
I'll never lose what I Had as a boy

Now what are we supposed to do? That devolves again? What would resume breathing normal air, or it starts to settle for second-hand clothes?

I am Brian Kinney, fucking, wearing only Armani, Gucci or Prada to the limit, and you can claim only up to a certain point by a man!

I felt complete when I thought I had tried all I was pleased when I thought I knew everything, I realized when I thought I had reached all reachable. I thought to be as close as possible to the greatest hope of satisfaction to be able to reach, until I was forced to look deeper, I was pushed to open their eyes and get out of that nutshell I had built around it.

Now we want to go but is too small, I try to curl up, to curl up like a hedgehog, but there's nothing to do, when a tight shoe is the only thing to do is throw it away. The truth is

that matter, have never been able to ignore it altogether, or I would not be in this mess.

I roll in the sheets and for a moment as if he were still here, as if he had only got up to go to the bathroom. The loft is so full of Justin and things that remind me that sell it hurts like the day when I told him that he should give up New York and all the opportunities that would have been there as an artist.

I have always been considered a selfish, Debby me repeat it ad nauseum since I was fourteen, but only one thing made me feel better selfishness, made me feel really alive.

 

Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts, but sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings, when it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me, 'cause without love
I won't survive

Without love, I won't survive

L'ho detto poche volte a voce alta, si contano sulle dita di una hand, and there were times when I wish I had more courage, moments when it might be served.

not to keep him, however, was not the right thing.

I feel that I could sleep again, if only I wanted to, but I'm not so sure. I could get up and go look for someone willing to do a little 'cyber sex dawn, but they are so inspired and for some things it takes a little' concentration.

The phone ringing in the silence of the room makes me jump, roars like you're in a tunnel and before the second answer.

" Yes?" It could be something serious, who would call me at five thirty in the morning? Lindsay, maybe ... something might have happened to Gas! Since they moved to Canada I admit I became a father more anxious.

I just feel a breath, though, and I know 'who is talking to me even without saying anything.

" Justin."

" Hey." He says softly, as if unwilling to disturb.

" Is everything okay?"

"I could not to sleep. "

" Still have not found someone who can get tired? I'm surprised at you, you're already in the Big Apple by the beauty of three days! "

The irony has always been recognized as one of my gifts but lately the more I use the same satisfaction.

not seen him but I know that condescending smile on the face of him who understands what's underneath but it is too sensitive to throw him in the face.

" And you? Were you still awake because you have company? " responding.

I'm tempted to say yes, without which the last name has just left after a fuck

three hours, but why, then? In revenge for something that I wanted too? To make him suffer when I know that does that already anyway?

" No company, not even I could not sleep."

" Brian ..."

" ..."

" Brian, are you there?"

Suddenly I have a lump in throat, it still seems too hard when I smell her in my sheets and warmth on the skin.

" are here."

" Brian, I love you. I miss you, "she whispers.

I love you too, Sunshine, and I feel a great pain in the middle of the chest, so I know it's all true.

Love Hurts, But Sometimes It's a good hurt And it feels like

I'm alive Love sings, When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me, 'cause without I will not survive love

" Brian, look in the nightstand drawer."

roll on the bed up to the drawer and open it, but I see nothing wrong with that.

" Nothing."

" Exactly."

For a moment I can not understand, then it is the emptiness that I'll notice the lump in my throat and turns, is liable to become liquid and do not have the strength to do anything but fight. The frequency of my breathing has changed, however, and he is back to talk, to accompany me by the hand like a child to discover himself. I must admit that what I considered to be a nuisance that I have to have twelve years older than him, but he was always very mature for his age and maybe I'm not so much for me, at least emotional level, and perhaps it was this that made us even meet halfway.

" I have it with me, Brian, and maybe not now, not tomorrow, but it is mine, and if you still want to be true."

" Always", is the only thing I can answer.

I will never get another ring, or anybody else to love, to me. I gave him a chance to love and, in its way, gave me a definitive answer.

" Always," he repeats.

We keep silent a few minutes but the air is lighter, I look out the window and behind the buildings I see the sun appear.

" Hello Sunshine", I whisper, "sleep a little, 'we feel later. "

" Ok, "he says," I love you. " Put down, but the click of the receiver sounds like a goodbye, just see you later, Have a nice day.

" I love you too", and there's a phone to get in touch but I have the absolute certainty that he knows, he has learned over time to listen to me even beyond the words that still can barely pronounce.

§§§§§§§§§§§§


It seems to me not to go with Woody for a lifetime even if they are only a few days. The music is always the same, the pool tables are always the same and the same goes for the people. I know faces, names I should know considering the fact that more than half of these men are swept them to me in the bathroom and the other half in the backroom of Babylon, but I can think of none. Are not important to me, means nothing, and that which has no meaning that is not an effort to be remembered.

Ted is the first to see me but Michael is the first to meet me.

" Brian! We were worried about you, you did not even open to my mother, you can not understand what was in pain! It is almost started crying! "

" not overdo it, Mikey. " The last person I can imagine such a thing for tears and Debby. Rather, I know I risked having to call a locksmith to get me back together the door!

" Seriously, Brian ... how are you? "

There is nothing to do, there are things that Michael will never learn. Live and let live, and tries to ignore to ignore you as much as possible, but this simple, straightforward concept completely foreign to him.

I, for my part I am a master at putting it into practice. "Wonderfully. What's up again? Emmett? Some new flame in the last twenty minutes? "I say sarcastically.

" anything since yesterday evening, we broke in the parking lot of Babylon. On the other hand I love this song! ", Exclaims," am sure that this music comes straight from heaven , true Teddy? "

" Verissimo, transmits vibrations very exciting."

All transmit vibrations to Theodor exciting, perhaps because it is perceived dull and boring for so long that he has learned to benefit from his surroundings much more than all the others. Do not ever say it to him, is my employee, after all, but I have always admired for that.

" I'm going to get something to drink."

Michael followed me to the counter and so do little after everyone else. I'm really worried about me, and I'd love if you do not give me so fucking annoying.

" I think the next weekend we could go somewhere," says Michael, avoiding looking at the faces of others who stare at him curious.

" Oh yeah? Type where? "So 'well that they never talked about anything like that, but I feel a sort of wicked satisfaction to keep them a bit' on the line every so often.

" Be ', we have not decided yet, but ..."

" Mikey does not matter, this weekend I can not, I have to do."

" And what did you do?"

take my glass of Bean on the rocks from the bar, I drink a sip and get up off the stool to direct me to the pool table.

" anyone wants to play?"

" I play," says Ted, "I feel lucky tonight."

" Then get up in the mail, if you win you do an increase. "

He knows that will not win but does not really matter to anyone, the beauty of being friends is this, after all. We know each other so well that even with them, in most cases, there is need for words.

And nobody asks me anything because everyone knows that next weekend I'll be in New York.

Love Hurts, But Sometimes It's a good hurt And it feels like

I'm alive Love sings, When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me 'cause without love I will not

survive


Love hurts Without love, I will not survive

End

Monday, July 6, 2009

Average Dress Size In Us

Homenagem a Pina Bausch.