Ok, tests of transmission ... Well, after years of opening my account I will try to post something ... WOW!
There will be many trials and many errors are made, given my ignorance on the subject, but since we need to start somewhere, I start with the first and only story I wrote about two of my favorite characters of all time, Brian and Justin.
Maybe there will be others in the future, who knows, with this birth while trying not to combine a mess!
Good luck to me! xD
Title: Love Hurts
Fandom
Queer as Folk Pairing: Brian / Justin
Rating: All (PG)
Word Count: 3450 words
Summary: Brian is the accounts in his own way, with the changes that Justin has made in his life. Post episode 5.13.
Love Hurts
§§§§§§§§§§§§
Tonight we drink to youth And holding fast the truth
I do not want to lose what I Had as a boy
"Cheers, Sunshine!"
throw down half a cup of Bean on the rock no longer even feel the bitter taste that burns my throat. But it is not the first time, and now the numbness of my esophagus fits exactly with everything else, I lick my lips and is perfect.
If I was not sure yet to be myself, absolutely fabulous, I'd be tempted to think that my life has become a pathetic imitation of what it was before.
BAM, BAM, BAM!
"Brian! Open the fucking door! "
Aaah Mikey, Mikey dear and faithful. It 's always been his pathetic part of the dynamic duo-Kinney Novotny, and I'm' starting to be ashamed of myself for having believed that, for some reason, could well have done the right thing to give to that side of himself, so eager to please the company, as far as possible in its color schemes, and convoluted with the professor. But that was Canada and this is Pittsburgh, a different story.
"Mikey, you go to someone else to break my balls!"
"I'm three days you're locked in there, Brian!"
Cabbage, passes quickly time! Already three days? Had seemed to me five minutes, ten at most. Or two weeks, two months ... two years.
BAM, BAM!
I take another swig from the bottle saves the effort to pour the liquor in the glass and I laugh because I know 'that as far as Michael is the king of the queers petulant, I always have the best, I can always get what I want.
Now I just want it removed instantly returned, and that is what will anyway, sooner or later, and continues to loop or not. He will return home to Ben, Hunter, a telephone call to Emmett complaining about how worried about me and my liver, or Theodor, asking him to come up with any shit to Kinnetik groped for Stan's or Debby, which will be presented here with his macaroni and tuna casserole.
Pathetic, as always.
And when it's gone, if I feel like I will go to Babylon to ass fuck each over six feet tall. I want them high, preferably active, I feel in the mood to tame and if there was someone available to Brandon this evening I think the charge, that credit.
In my identity card I have thirty-three years, and with the help of gym and my anti-wrinkle cream will stay young for another long, long time, and does not affect me at all aware that Justin has twenty-one years, talent, and New York at her feet.
He said he, too, after all, is the best of me if he could hope to be gay, so on the glasses, Sunshine!, Toast to your youth, my immortal beauty, all that I was and what they are now.
I almost, because of you! Oh, if I risked! You almost turned into a pale imitation of a lesbian, or worse, Michael!
And for a moment I even thought that I liked, and is This is the craziest thing of all.
The truth is that what I was, and I'll be what they are, perhaps nothing more, but certainly nothing less.
§§§§§§§§§§§§
My heart still has a beat, But Love is now a feat As common as
a cold day in LA
I think that Michael is gone now, I no longer feel any noise. I could go and check, but there is a risk he is doing and just pretend that the very moment we open the door get a foot in the middle, and then the only solution would break, but I do not want to get to so, I love the good old Mikey!
Right now I feel a greater inclination towards my couch, though, I deck above us, I close my eyes and try to hear him breathe. E 'skin, the skin was of some animal that was once alive, had a' soul , believe, or should I ask my mother, who knows everything about God and souls, especially those already damned as mine.
I can only hear the rhythmic beat of my heart, however, and I can not believe it's still so smooth, stable and sensible way to work anyway, even after all that has happened.
Wow, the human body is really a perfect machine, more than any engine. It should be in motion even before birth and then kept on walking, without a moment's respite, until the end.
does not need the injector, the blood is already circulating and continues to pump, so that little void that I feel does not bother me at all. There had to be my injector there, a useless part of the mechanism, and I have always tended to get rid of unnecessary things first, as everything that does not really need, become indispensable.
It's a little 'bad, unfortunately, but there is a solution to everything, and my faithful Jim Bean is the perfect cure. The bottle, however, is already under three quarters, the liquid waves and its motion-colored malt deform my fingers through the glass, making them look like twigs twisted and sick.
My mechanism is in motion, however, the road is straight as the strings violin in front of me, probably will still be a bit 'more upright when I'm sober, but that curve along four years that has troubled my journey is finally over, it's time to relax.
§§§§§§§§§§§§
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that i am under Keeping me from seeing
the real thing?
" uhhh ... ouch!" What the fuck! Why do not you see anything?! Maybe I just got the impression that I opened my eyes but in reality I have still closed. My temples throb, but listening to my stomach I understand that it is not drunk enough to have a close encounter with the process.
groped the bottle upside down and I find it next to the couch, but I do not feel anything wet, so you probably I emptied before falling asleep, and the fact that I have this thought flashed in his head is living proof that they are not even remotely close to the lens that I wanted to achieve.
I open one eye and this time I see something, move your eyes on the LCD alarm clock that marks the four in the morning and try to move.
Getting up from the sofa is an enterprise worthy of note but I just have to do is drag me to bed, Babylon, by this time had to do without me ... or I without Babylon, but the distinction is not I think it really so important at this time.
Puzzo to suck, is it true that alcohol produces heat, which produces sweat, but I do not want to take a shower, brush my teeth or anything else that has to do with my personal hygiene.
Piss, jot down a pint of water and an aspirin and I throw a dead weight on the bed still unmade.
are three days that is so, I suggested to the cleaning lady to take a few days off but I do not call her several, I can get along by myself for a few weeks, then I have to pay an entire to wipe that fucking building that I bought and with which I have to live even if you do not like me at all. Justin did not look like even, to tell the truth, but it looks like us, and this seemed to me sufficient.
Sheets still have the smell, but thinking it is not so strange that the note right now that is gone. Probably the first was so ubiquitous that I had reached some sort of addiction that kept me from feeling it, but now it is strong and persistent as ever, and I wash my nose, fill your hands with salted water and inhale, inhale deeply to hear in the eyes, brain, up to bite the bullet from the sharp pain and then melt into a liberating breath to hear him slowly fade away.
And now I see it, the flaw in my diabolical plan. It was small, but if I want to be honest with myself and I was sure I knew there was to be able to curb, as I did with many other flaws in my life, with some success.
Why there? E 'a hit? He's there, where miss my injector? And he is? An anticoagulant that prevents it to heal or a parasite that will consume me for the rest of my days without ever kill me? And 'this is the real question , one that has a thousand answers, but never had any real one hundred percent.
Love Hurts, But Sometimes It's a good hurt And it feels like
I'm alive Love sings, When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me 'cause without love
I will not survive
If I had been wise, prudent as I was being deceived, I should have realized when it happened.
" See, I do not believe this idiocy of love, I believe in fucking ... are honest, efficient, and you can get the most pleasure with the minimum of bullshit."
Words My, how the land on which true path, and in spite of all innocent, why did not account for the unexpected.
quicksand, so similar to the solid but so insidious, however, to drag me down slowly in the worst way, giving me the illusion of being able to get out when in reality had already set out my sentence.
And the awareness of sinking was scared, that breathe air and slowly realizing that it was not infinite, something that I would fill the lungs, terrified me. I kept hoping to be able to get away, I could break away and break free from the grip almost kind enough not to appear even threatening.
Then I realized how things were, how everything had changed and how, and sank, my body had adapted and transformed into something able to filter oxygen out of the sand, and how simple air was no longer enough.
The first time I inhaled it hurt, I felt that I broke the chest, but keep it tight after having feared lost forever was like being born a second time, it was like having another possibilities.
§§§§§§§§§§§§
Fettered and abused, I stand naked and Accused
Should I surface this one man submarine?
I only Want The Truth
So tonight we drink to youth
I'll never lose what I Had as a boy
Now what are we supposed to do? That devolves again? What would resume breathing normal air, or it starts to settle for second-hand clothes?
I am Brian Kinney, fucking, wearing only Armani, Gucci or Prada to the limit, and you can claim only up to a certain point by a man!
I felt complete when I thought I had tried all I was pleased when I thought I knew everything, I realized when I thought I had reached all reachable. I thought to be as close as possible to the greatest hope of satisfaction to be able to reach, until I was forced to look deeper, I was pushed to open their eyes and get out of that nutshell I had built around it.
Now we want to go but is too small, I try to curl up, to curl up like a hedgehog, but there's nothing to do, when a tight shoe is the only thing to do is throw it away. The truth is
that matter, have never been able to ignore it altogether, or I would not be in this mess.
I roll in the sheets and for a moment as if he were still here, as if he had only got up to go to the bathroom. The loft is so full of Justin and things that remind me that sell it hurts like the day when I told him that he should give up New York and all the opportunities that would have been there as an artist.
I have always been considered a selfish, Debby me repeat it ad nauseum since I was fourteen, but only one thing made me feel better selfishness, made me feel really alive.
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?
Love hurts, but sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings, when it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me, 'cause without love
I won't survive
L'ho detto poche volte a voce alta, si contano sulle dita di una hand, and there were times when I wish I had more courage, moments when it might be served.
not to keep him, however, was not the right thing.
I feel that I could sleep again, if only I wanted to, but I'm not so sure. I could get up and go look for someone willing to do a little 'cyber sex dawn, but they are so inspired and for some things it takes a little' concentration.
The phone ringing in the silence of the room makes me jump, roars like you're in a tunnel and before the second answer.
" Yes?" It could be something serious, who would call me at five thirty in the morning? Lindsay, maybe ... something might have happened to Gas! Since they moved to Canada I admit I became a father more anxious.
I just feel a breath, though, and I know 'who is talking to me even without saying anything.
" Justin."
" Hey." He says softly, as if unwilling to disturb.
" Is everything okay?"
"I could not to sleep. "
" Still have not found someone who can get tired? I'm surprised at you, you're already in the Big Apple by the beauty of three days! "
The irony has always been recognized as one of my gifts but lately the more I use the same satisfaction.
not seen him but I know that condescending smile on the face of him who understands what's underneath but it is too sensitive to throw him in the face.
" And you? Were you still awake because you have company? " responding.
I'm tempted to say yes, without which the last name has just left after a fuck
three hours, but why, then? In revenge for something that I wanted too? To make him suffer when I know that does that already anyway?
" No company, not even I could not sleep."
" Brian ..."
" ..."
" Brian, are you there?"
Suddenly I have a lump in throat, it still seems too hard when I smell her in my sheets and warmth on the skin.
" are here."
" Brian, I love you. I miss you, "she whispers.
I love you too, Sunshine, and I feel a great pain in the middle of the chest, so I know it's all true.
Love Hurts, But Sometimes It's a good hurt And it feels like
I'm alive Love sings, When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me, 'cause without I will not survive love
" Brian, look in the nightstand drawer."
roll on the bed up to the drawer and open it, but I see nothing wrong with that.
" Nothing."
" Exactly."
For a moment I can not understand, then it is the emptiness that I'll notice the lump in my throat and turns, is liable to become liquid and do not have the strength to do anything but fight. The frequency of my breathing has changed, however, and he is back to talk, to accompany me by the hand like a child to discover himself. I must admit that what I considered to be a nuisance that I have to have twelve years older than him, but he was always very mature for his age and maybe I'm not so much for me, at least emotional level, and perhaps it was this that made us even meet halfway.
" I have it with me, Brian, and maybe not now, not tomorrow, but it is mine, and if you still want to be true."
" Always", is the only thing I can answer.
I will never get another ring, or anybody else to love, to me. I gave him a chance to love and, in its way, gave me a definitive answer.
" Always," he repeats.
We keep silent a few minutes but the air is lighter, I look out the window and behind the buildings I see the sun appear.
" Hello Sunshine", I whisper, "sleep a little, 'we feel later. "
" Ok, "he says," I love you. " Put down, but the click of the receiver sounds like a goodbye, just see you later, Have a nice day.
" I love you too", and there's a phone to get in touch but I have the absolute certainty that he knows, he has learned over time to listen to me even beyond the words that still can barely pronounce.
§§§§§§§§§§§§
It seems to me not to go with Woody for a lifetime even if they are only a few days. The music is always the same, the pool tables are always the same and the same goes for the people. I know faces, names I should know considering the fact that more than half of these men are swept them to me in the bathroom and the other half in the backroom of Babylon, but I can think of none. Are not important to me, means nothing, and that which has no meaning that is not an effort to be remembered.
Ted is the first to see me but Michael is the first to meet me.
" Brian! We were worried about you, you did not even open to my mother, you can not understand what was in pain! It is almost started crying! "
" not overdo it, Mikey. " The last person I can imagine such a thing for tears and Debby. Rather, I know I risked having to call a locksmith to get me back together the door!
" Seriously, Brian ... how are you? "
There is nothing to do, there are things that Michael will never learn. Live and let live, and tries to ignore to ignore you as much as possible, but this simple, straightforward concept completely foreign to him.
I, for my part I am a master at putting it into practice. "Wonderfully. What's up again? Emmett? Some new flame in the last twenty minutes? "I say sarcastically.
" anything since yesterday evening, we broke in the parking lot of Babylon. On the other hand I love this song! ", Exclaims," am sure that this music comes straight from heaven , true Teddy? "
" Verissimo, transmits vibrations very exciting."
All transmit vibrations to Theodor exciting, perhaps because it is perceived dull and boring for so long that he has learned to benefit from his surroundings much more than all the others. Do not ever say it to him, is my employee, after all, but I have always admired for that.
" I'm going to get something to drink."
Michael followed me to the counter and so do little after everyone else. I'm really worried about me, and I'd love if you do not give me so fucking annoying.
" I think the next weekend we could go somewhere," says Michael, avoiding looking at the faces of others who stare at him curious.
" Oh yeah? Type where? "So 'well that they never talked about anything like that, but I feel a sort of wicked satisfaction to keep them a bit' on the line every so often.
" Be ', we have not decided yet, but ..."
" Mikey does not matter, this weekend I can not, I have to do."
" And what did you do?"
take my glass of Bean on the rocks from the bar, I drink a sip and get up off the stool to direct me to the pool table.
" anyone wants to play?"
" I play," says Ted, "I feel lucky tonight."
" Then get up in the mail, if you win you do an increase. "
He knows that will not win but does not really matter to anyone, the beauty of being friends is this, after all. We know each other so well that even with them, in most cases, there is need for words.
And nobody asks me anything because everyone knows that next weekend I'll be in New York.
Love Hurts, But Sometimes It's a good hurt And it feels like
I'm alive Love sings, When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me 'cause without love I will not
survive
Love hurts Without love, I will not survive
End
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