Title: Sonata for Violin
Author: Nico
Rating: All (PG)
Genre: Original
Summary: I was a monster, that will remain forever, and yet still so much to make me feel human twice damned. As would be easier to lose, with the ability to die like a man, the soul of man.
Sonata for violin
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Lübeck, December 24, 1817
How can ;, who is not human, to feel a chill in such a heart not beating?
Christmas Eve was the only night that I still could rediscover my body shivering, able to feel that now the time I had taken forever.
I was still looking at the people who bundled he walked in procession to the church.
Sometimes, over the years, I had rediscovered a desire to be a spot in the midst of them, anonymous in my clothes sorted, ready to pray to God as their unborn really willing to believe in him.
In that one night.
" Gregor ...".
I turned, and saw with wonder by Manuel blue eyes dart in the dark, and it remained on the crowd. I had already sensed his presence for several minutes, the wind was weak, not straining the skin as often happened in that season, but it was enough to bring its familiar smell.
I looked for a moment, then again I focused on the river of people continued to arrive. I heard Manuel's shoulder touching mine, and without thinking I walked more, looking for a contact, a heat that did not come only from the clothes you wore. His arm encircled my shoulders and his lips came to rest in a cold whisper in my neck.
" There is still time to let go of the past?"
closed my eyes for a moment and concentrated on the sensations of my body, what remains of humanity that I had lost and yet were so different, sometimes amplified.
Manuel looked at me when I opened them. "It 's spent so much time, Gregor, you promised me you'd quit," she whispered.
I was astonished to see a spark of pain in the eyes of a hungry vampire. But why, then? Because if what I felt I could be considered as such, Manuel should not have been the same?
" I know," I said. "But it's difficult."
" E 'difficult because you want it to be!"
" I want it to be?", I snapped. We had this conversation dozens of times last year and a half, the best since I had been changed .
" I did not want to become ... this, "he said, pointing with scorn.
Manuel with a light hand stroked my face, brushes her hair and reflected in the transparent green of my eyes. I could see myself in her, it seemed almost like magic. "I did not want to be so either. But we can not help it. "
" Do you think I could go to church tonight? "I asked. The moment of fury was gone, and although it was still overwhelming, at times, it was not just vent on the only person I felt close, the only case in which I tried something similar to what it once I called love.
Then he looked at the crowd. At least half the patrons were now entering, disappeared behind the heavy wooden doors, protected from harm by the walls of the temple of Christ.
I was wrong, it was Manuel, or at least part of it, and maybe not the worst part.
me that I was asked many times, in all these years, it was possible that creatures like us, vote at night, the murder of innocent people, were allowed entry into a sacred place like a church, as the holy water there caused only a slight stinging, a simple demonstration of the fact that we were something different from normal.
I was a monster, destined to remain that eternally, and yet still so much to make me feel human twice damned.
As would be easier to lose the ability to die like a man, the soul of man.
curse God and the devil for making me immortal, for having taken the heat of the blood in the veins and left me for the rest, luggage intrasportabile of consciousness, pain, love and regret.
Loneliness was the worst thing at the beginning, new impulses that the brain commanded me to put aside but which I could not help but succumb.
senses always alert, able to pick up the slightest whisper, rustle of leaves, each milder smell, it was like crazy with every breath, be under the influence of a powerful hallucinogen with no hope of seeing him vanish.
Only the taste of blood could appease the swirl in my head, it was an innate awareness in me, was already part of my new nature.
The first ringing of the bell brought me back to the present.
" are all inside," said Manuel.
" Sign in with me too, please."
I knew it would not have done that in his time had healed, wounds, more than he did with me, everything I had explained everything he was convinced believe, would not have erased the anger he felt towards the man who had decided, probably with his absence, to make us what we were.
" I'll wait in the park," he said, and as if there had never been shot in the dark.
At the entrance I felt immediate discomfort in breathing air saturated with the smell of incense, but the flickering light of candles was not enough to hurt the eyes.
whole collection that humanity made me a thrill of terror. Not for me, sure, but certainly what I could do them.
There had been an empty seat, many people stood to hear the sermon, aims to understand why, after all, they were all sinners, all those guilty of stealing, lying, fornication, betrayed .
Everyone deserving of God's forgiveness, deserving of being saved in that very night, saved by their father.
Our Father which art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy Name,
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,
as it is in heaven on earth.
The bell rang the first chimes of midnight. was then that I saw.
was leaning against a column of the right aisle, a few feet separated us and we had never been so far.
Greta, my sister.
What was changed since the last time I had embraced without fear, with a light heart and soul of integrity who knows how to love the right way.
With my head was bursting, without understanding what had happened to her was that I had during the night when my life was crumbling.
" Gregor, where have you been! I've been waiting for hours! " exclaimed, before realizing my condition.
I staggered into the house, unable to keep your eyes open, and I had no energy wasted on the couch.
She had toyed with the marks on the neck and shook my hand, wiped his forehead beaded with sweat, had endured my cries of pain as my body is remodeled since in the bone marrow, preparing to become what I was now.
We've locked in the house for days after that night, but my hunger and desire for blood had not done anything but grow, becoming the only center, the only focus of my whole being.
I could not explain, and she did not understand. He could not understand, and it was the first time such a thing had happened since, orphans, were we the only point of reference and support for each other.
She tried, however, with all his might.
Until one night, drunk with the smell of his blood, I ran as far as possible and I was sold, cibandomi the neck of a prostitute who, unaware, had tried to entice.
Since then, eleven years had elapsed during which I had never stopped to look at it from afar, for as little as possible but not mad enough pain to make sure he was comfortable.
Our Father ... Thy will be done, said the prayer.
Without me she had suffered, he threatened to not do it, alone in the world as I was left alone. Two halves of the same side of the coin whose edges, now, could no longer match.
That was His will?
" Why my God, why!" I cried.
Because if the creator is one and only one, then people like me came from his hand, even people like me were part of that group of creatures that he loved ... that was supposed to love and which ones had reserved a fate of eternal darkness.
daughter Greta was still light, I had become children of darkness.
Leaning close to her saw her violin inseparable. I was happy that at least one of his old habits had not abandoned the music continues to accompany her wherever she went.
She was good, he always had great talent, I knew that he was able to join an orchestra.
The shepherd's voice echoed deep and I looked away from her for a moment.
Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive our debtors,
lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.
The tolling bell gave the welcome end of a day of Christmas, but the dull ache to hear these words of hope had not died down.
I was sure that the child born in a manger, the man died on a cross, he could never forgive my debts, undo the wrong that my very being I was forced to commit.
really was the redemption of all? Really, if I had repented enough, I could be forgiven?
There would always be another victim, there would never have been chosen for me, I hope.
I left the church before everyone else and waited to see Greta one last time.
The procession of people escape slowly, more brighter, more joyous than when she entered, including this one of the miracles that I could no longer explain that continue to perpetrate no apparent reason.
For some minutes no one came out more but there was no sign of her. Sbucai shadows in which I was a refugee to check that everything was in place when he finally saw her, and her eyes were fixed on me.
I felt a sudden panic, an almost irresistible desire to flee.
" Gregor!" She cried.
Until I heard his voice.
Then I turned around, and it was as if my whole life returned to streams inside of me and grabbed me by the throat with the intent to smother.
" Greta," I muttered, testing the consistency of his name on the tongue, spoken out loud in a long time.
was she to take the first steps in my direction, which soon turned into a race that took her in my arms in a few seconds.
" ... Gregor Gregor, you are ..."
" I live?" Finished I.
She looked at me with those eyes deep and wise, a wisdom that has never been natural in a girl so young, but now better suited to the woman who had become.
" I always knew you were ...".
reluctantly broke away from me, stroking his face. I could not see the thrill that the path to touch my skin.
" Why do not you come to me, Gregor? For all these years, I was sure I was alive, and that I would never have abandoned unless ... "
" are not alive, Greta. For a long time now, "I said.
" I know what you Gregor, I had not realized immediately, when you have been hurt, and even after ... it was hard, incredible, but I knew ... I know now. "
I looked around warily. Even with my sister I did not feel at ease there in the middle of the road, so exposed to the gaze of others.
" Let's go somewhere else, please. We do not talk here, "I said, moving in the direction of the park. For a moment she followed me, but just enough and I heard his footsteps behind me.
He was afraid, maybe a wake-up alarm was turned on its head, but it was not enough to lead wisely.
He should turn and run away, taking refuge in the church and believe that there would not be able to enter. A part of me wanted to call upon it to go away and forget, but I did not.
I could be his murderess, and also let me follow.
walked a long time without saying a word, side by side, but the warmth of his body, unlike that of Manuel, it was almost visible. The puffs of his breath on contact with cold air is lost, full of life, in the night.
Only when you get to the park I allowed myself to stop and really look at it as I could not do an infinite time.
" How different are your eyes," I said.
She came safely to shine through without the slightest fear.
Had he not afraid of me? Believed to be still talking to his brother?
" Even your are different," he said, and again his hand was on my cheek, cold for a human body, a furnace for the body of a vampire. "I've never seen so beautiful, Gregor."
" And 'one of our tricks," I said, but could not hide a grimace of disappointment. "We attract others with our beauty, but once you drop the mask ..."
is the monster that was hidden behind the innocuous, behind the reassuring.
" Please do not talk like that," she murmured. His eyes were shiny, tears do not fall, but all you saw was reflected sweetness.
" You do not know what ... I'm so happy to see you, know you're here. Whatever you are now ... Gregor, to me you're alive! "He said in a choked voice.
" not know how many times I wanted to be really dead all these years," he murmured.
I felt a presence behind me, hidden in the dark, but I did not turn. I knew exactly who he was, felt his emotions vibrate in the air, but I was so sure that would do nothing.
" It 'been so hard to go after you disappeared into thin air. You were everything I had, Gregor. All of my family. "
" And you were for me, but now everything is different. I can not be. "
clear in his eyes I could see the reluctance to accept what I was saying. He took my hand in hers, she shivered, but did not let her go.
" Is there a way, though," he said.
I did not understand immediately what he meant, gave her a quizzical look, but she continued to stare at me safe without saying a word.
was when Manuel came out from the shadows. "He wants you to transform it," he said.
Greta moved quickly looked at him and I went a bit 'more, like if I could still protect her from something, as if I were not in actually the same danger from which he tried to withdraw.
" Manuel, "I muttered.
" That 's what you're asking, Gregor. Wants you to become, "he repeated, impassive eyes of anyone who does not know him well because I know him.
I turned toward her and stared in disbelief.
" When I related all that had happened, the signs I had on neck, fever, thirst for something that you could not have ... when I understood what you were making, it was too late now. You were already disappeared into thin air, "she said.
" I did it for you, I did not want to hurt you!" I exclaimed.
" There was no way not to hurt me, Gregor! Prejudice, or when you went away, there was no day that did not wish to find you, whoever ... whatever you were. There was the day that he did not wish I'd brought with you. "
" So you want to do it now? After eleven years? "
" I do not ... would be a family again, "he said.
I could not believe my ears. After all that time after all the suffering and the agony of having lived in the awareness lost everything, the only person I really wanted to protect was asking me to turn it into something that she herself, in normal circumstances, would have hated. A monster.
I tried to help in the eyes of Manuel, I wished for a little while to find approval, a sign that she might know that I would not have been as bad as we make it.
He approached me, took my head between her hands and leaned his forehead to mine. Memories as you were before we met? What was unbearable to live with yourself? "
remembered perfectly, I could never forget that huge void, that abandonment of the soul that felt like a hole in his chest . "Sure," I whispered.
" Then you know you have to do," he said. "For you. For you. "
took a deep breath and he let me go.
Greta was still standing there in front of me, waiting for a response but at the same time curious, perhaps, by seeing the attitude that I was against another man .
But he had no way to explain that in all those years I realized that, facing an eternity as a perspective, the gender of the person I would choose as a companion Life then was not all that important.
" No," I said instead. "I can not ... I do not want to."
" Why," cried she.
" Why you must not become so. You have to live, love, suffer, be happy and die like a woman. You must have a paradise in which to go, once they arrive the end. "
" You have not?" He asked.
" If one day I die I do not think there will be a paradise for me," I said.
She shook her head, but said nothing. He did not try to convince me, not even argued that there would be hope for me, and for that I was infinitely grateful.
" You can do one thing, though. Look, "I continued.
" What?"
" plays the violin for me last time."
She looked around puzzled. "Moisture not good on the ropes, will ruin the sound, "he said.
had fallen a cold fog, but the moonlight was reflected on the tiny particles of water so as to appear that it came directly from them.
night was special, that. "No matter, I want my gift," I said.
Uncertain, leaned over and opened the instrument case. Caressed and taken in hand with care, petting his arms almost like a child.
" And 'one of your gift, remember?" He said, his eyes lost in memories that now seemed so distant.
" course, was your Christmas present almost seventeen years ago. I was afraid I would not be able to buy it, "I replied.
" E 'was the best gift I ever received in my entire life," she said.
I smiled because I knew it was true. "Play it for me, please. There will never be a better opportunity. "
Greta wielded the instrument, took a deep breath and placed it between chin and shoulder. There was a moment of silence, then notes filled the air suddenly. The speed of his fingers on the strings was hypnotic and the melody flowed smoothly, with the rapid pace and secure.
not remember it sounded so good.
Manuel I clasped behind his back, joining his hands just below my sternum. He was slightly taller than me, then leaned his head against his chest, closed my eyes and I gave way to music.
It was as if the notes take various forms and color behind my eyelids, as if Greta, with only his fingers and his bow was able to create a melody made of the same substance of my memories and my old hopes.
things I lost, I would not be found, certainly not as I had left. But Manuel had, what was that although I loved the same man's heart that had once been. And perhaps I also found Greta?
I opened my my eyes and looked ethereal in its beauty. The fog blurred the outline of his body but did shine at the same time as the same drops of water that was made.
His face marked by tears but kept playing with her whole being, as if the music depended on the rest of his life.
As it began, everything stopped as quickly and again fell silent.
We were all still for several seconds, perhaps unable to let go of that moment, for the last time we had bonded with incredible intensity.
Greta was to move to first, lowered his instrument and walked toward us. Manuel let me go and stepped back.
" Haydn. Violin Concerto in C major, "he said.
" E 'was great. Thank you, "I said.
It was as if both did not want to say anything for fear of saying what we had.
" I think this is a farewell," I sighed at the end.
She leaned over, put in place the instrument in its case and raised. His hand was shaking when he took mine. "At least we had the opportunity to tell us, this farewell. It 's more than I ever hoped to have. "
" have I," I said.
" But why should just be a goodbye? We could see each other ... as tonight, for example. "
" I do not think it's a good idea, "Manuel intervened.
Greta stepped back, perhaps intimidated by his presence. It was the first time he addressed directly.
" Why?" She said, making himself courage.
He looked at me, I addressed a sad smile and answered. "Let's say that our community is not exactly friendly."
" There are many others like you?" Greta asked, eyes wide.
" Enough", I intervened. "We mostly solitary or in small groups, but most of us have fully embraced their nature. Do not feel restrained from attacking the men, give free rein to their instincts. "
" If you find that you're the sister of Gregor will be like a lighted lamp on a boat in the sea at night," Manuel said. "We're all one big family, if you know what I mean.
She lowered the shoulders defeat. Clearly understood, and I realized that I also let her go was the best thing to do, but how many times I had learned at my own expense, to do the best thing to do would mean that even more difficult.
I approached her. "Greta ..."
I jumped in my arms and squeezed me, dipping her face in my cloak and choking tears that could no longer hold.
" do not know how I'll miss Gregor, but I will go for you," he said with a choked voice.
walked away gently taking her by the shoulders and wiped a tear that was new about to fall. "This makes things much easier."
She wiped her eyes and finally gave me a little smile. "After all if you can you live like a vampire, I can not be outdone! "
Also I smiled at her. The weight that I weighed in my chest was still there, I was sure it would never disappeared completely, but for the first time in my life I felt I was immortal to be able to bear it.
" Go home now, it's night. Manuel and I will follow you from afar without being seen, wait till you have come. "
I wanted to cry as she had done but I was more capable, then I stepped back, grabbed the hand of Manuel and I clung to the only solid thing I had left.
Greta smiled at him, then stroked me with his eyes for the last time. "Goodbye Gregor," he said, took his violin and headed into the night.
As we promised followed up at home.
I saw her open the door and pause for a moment in the doorway, turned and looked into the darkness, but could never see us. He greeted me and the night with a last gesture of the hand and closed it behind him.
" Goodbye Greta, be happy," I muttered, shook the hand of Manuel stronger and touched her lips with a kiss, more grateful than ever that it is not only.
Part 2
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